i've moved!

and i'm loving it.  like mc donalds.  yes, still.

now old and anything new from not capitalizing is now and will be residing at andebobandy.com (how about that parallel construction, folks).

from there you can get to my equally neglected cafepress site, too.  i wouldn't look now, it would be a waste of time, but soon.

so check out my new digs, and tell me what you think.  i think this one will be here for a while, but consider this my change of address card.

 

capitalizing

or trying anyway...

i've opened a cafe press site to try to do something with all these little designs i work so hard on.

you can check it out at http://www.cafepress.com/andebobandy.

so far i've only just uploaded a few of my holiday things, but i plan on putting a lot more stuff up.

and i apologize to all those family members that are wondering what the heck has been going on, because i've not been posting so much lately...i will try to be less boring and come up with some interesting (if not dangerous) stories to tell. but be careful what you wish for, you may end up in a staring role you didn't expect.

more fun from the billing departments of our essential services

a monologue

"hello, yes, hello.  is this mrs. pace.  it is?  okay, well...this is sally, from con edison and i have a little bit of weird news.  nothing to get too excited over, but it turns out, and i don't know how this happened, it could have just been an accident or it could be your super's fault, or maybe your fault, certainly not con ed's, but apparently your apartment has been on the meter of your neighbor's apartment for an indeterminate amount of time.  

yes, we don't know how long...no, no, it would be complicated to say without using computers, and the meters and the computers do really connect like that, you see...

yes, i know, it's strange that you could make such a mistake, but you did, and as it turns out, since your meters are switched, you've been paying one another's bills.  

i know, i know, it's unfortunate.

yes, he does live alone.  no, he doesn't leave his air conditioner on when he's not at home so that when he returns it's nice and cool, as a matter of fact he doesn't use an air conditioner at all though the whole summer.

and no, he has no computer, no mini freezer, television, or microwave.  no, he doesn't use much electricity at all...from talking with him, i believe he could be amish.  

yes, this does mean that your bill is probably much higher than his and will increase in the future, because, yes you do use 15-20 times as much electricity as the amish neighbor next door.

so what we're gonna do here is send you a letter telling you this all again with no explanation of how, why, or when it happened, then we'll credit your neighbor for the amount of his overpayment, which we can only estimate, so to screw him, we're just gonna say it's been going on for 6 months, and then yes, that's correct, we'll bill you for the difference, and to screw you, we're going to look back though our records and charge you for the difference as we see it over the last 25 years.  oh, you've only lived in the apartment for 9 years?  i'm so sorry, but that really doesn't matter.

so thanks a bunch and thank for choosing having no choice but to use con ed."

end scene.

sorely mistaken

recent days have shown that there are a few things i thought i was good at, which i am apparently not.  please find below, the short list.

1. drinking - evident in a very late night, abrupt visit to a garbage can on the corner of 8th avenue and 14th street, like some commoner.

2. not getting pimples - self explanatory 

3. basketball - defense, offense, etc...

4. entertaining myself without alcohol (see #1)

5. not burning my mouth on acid (see last post)

lessons learned

hubby makes fun of me all the time for being so smart and at the same time so dumb.  i agree that my methods may seem a bit strange, but i don't know if i would go so far as to say that i am dumb as much as i might agree that i occasionally have been known to do quite dumb things.  i am a very hands on sort of person, i get things done, i'm a dooer.  most times i think about what i am doing or what i should do, but sometimes i get caught up in the moment and just act.  

like, i learned that it is possible to stop a dryer from squeaking by putting  a little bit of oil into the area in the back that rotates the internal basket, but, and remember this, it has to be done before the dryer is turned on, or the aerosol (or whatever it is that they use in those cans now) will combust and cause a slight fire, and i also learned that day that it is possible for a dryer to be on fire internally, which makes it a bit more complicated to extinguish.  

it is through this type of learning, i feel i have learned some of the most valuable and enduring lessons of my life.  and it's just a matter of fact that learning through failure often times means learning through danger and pain.  

i think i get it from my dad, but i can't be sure.  my theory is that if you don't know for a fact something is going to hurt you unless you touch it, then you have no choice but to touch it. right?   otherwise you will never know and will possibly never learn how to solve the problem at hand or similar problems that might arise in the future.  take for instance last night.  i learned a very valuable lesson that every man, woman, and child that ever tries to fix a malfunctioning commercial dishwashers should know about what chemical cleaners one should and should not consider syphoning with their mouth.  

i was under the impression that commercial dish washers used concentrated palmolive.  i needed to find out if the tube was clogged, and my reasoning for syphoning it out was was that i would be able to see if the liquid came all the way through the tube and worst case scenario I would get a little soap in my mouth, and lets face it, if anyone has ever seen me watching a jets game, they know that a little soap in the mouth might just do me a little good.  

well, as it turns out it isn't you standard dish soap in that five gallon bucket, it's not concentrated lemony antibacterial dawn, it's more like acid.  well, not more like acid, it is acid, and not the sort of hippie fun riding around in a vw bus acid, either, more the hydrochloric acid that burns away the food particles on plates kind of acid.  

this discovery explained a lot to me about why all our tupperware at the bar is always hazy, and why we have to pre-rinse dishes for home use dishwashers, and why special companies are licensed to sell these detergent, and why it isn't easy or normal to get one of those dishwashers installed in your home.  

this discovery also concerns me quite a bit when it comes to my newly bloomed green streak, and yeah, i'm swept up like everyone else, it makes me feel good to at least try.  like what happens to all this acid once it's in the water?  does it dissolve?  is it so diluted that it isn't noticeable?  is it filtered out, or is it always in our drinking water like the trace amounts of pharmaceutical anti psychotics that we sip everyday?  

so long story short, there are some sentences that you never imagine yourself saying, like when i told hubby what i had done, and my only consolation to him was, "well thank goodness all the hydrochloric acid went into my mouth, and didn't splash me in the face or eyes," even though i can't imagine that it could hurt much more, it would be really unattractive.  i'm sure that there were several patrons at the bar wondering what the wacky woman washing her mouth out with actual dawn dish detergent was doing, because i'm sure i looked like a nut, a very surprised and excited and in pain nut who's lips were all but melting off.  

well, lesson learned, i guess, and lucky for me mouths and tongues seem to heal rather quickly.

and p.s. i did, in the end, fix the dishwasher

and p.s.s. my mom used that dryer totally squeak free for another four years before it finally died.

cool little discovery

www.little-people.blogspot.com

amazing

5 unexpected benefits of working "normal" hours

1. breakfast when places are still serving breakfast - do you know how long it has been since i was up early enough to eat an egg mc muffin?  well, i'll tell you.  too long.  oh yeah people!  i had a mc donald's breakfast sandwich, and i loved it, and i'm gonna do it again.  only 300 calories.  thanks, mikey bloomberg.

2. a new found ease in the use of public transportation - getting around underground doesn't mean 20-30 minutes on a bench far too near to a drunkard.

3. aim - aol instant messenger for those of you who are my mom. i used to love it, and then since no one i know is ever on at 2 in the morning, i'd stopped even signing on most of the time.  i'd forgotten how much fun it is to use when other people you know are also trapped in front of their computer screens. 

4.  coming home to a husband that is happy to see you, misses you, and doesn't know every single minute detail about your day, so he asks, which then leads to conversations that you haven't already had a thousand times before.

5.  reading - it isn't like i'm on the train for an hour a day, but just being able to plow through a couple of dozen pages or so a day is awesome.  since i started working with dana only three weeks ago, i've finished william gibson's mona lisa overdrive (which i would recommend if you're into that sort of not-so-distant-future-not-quite-sci-fi-but-not-fantasy-either genre, but would warn that the ending is a little confusing, and i think happy, but i'm still not sure) and i'm a ways into of human bondage.  and on a side note, as i italicize that title, i can't help but love those old titles...that book isn't what it would be titled like that today.  or say, if it were a web site what you'd expect to find.  it's like vile bodies, by the newly popularized writer evelyn waugh (brideshead revisited), not very vile.

here's the thing, the television show is "shear genius".  you know you're getting your hair cut.  it's free.  you're on television.  and you won't let someone cut off your precious hair?

here's a suggestion: don't be a guest on a show that's entire point is that they cut your hair!

(because there's no caps, you can't tell that i screamed that last line, but i did!)

idiots.

idiots everywhere.

so, i had some time on my hands early this month after i quit working at the bars, and i decided that it was time that i made myself a mascot.

since then, i've been working with my friend, dana of blush and flax and tuck shop design as her assistant/partner on a project for sephora's annual store directors conference.  we're doing an animation and a powerpoint slide show to accompany the big boss' speech. 

in short:  i'm out, the bars haven't closed, and hubby is adjusting.

i'll leave that last bit for him to comment on.  

free at last...

haven't been around the blog in a bit, but for good reason.  i have been working very hard, and it hasn't been at either bar.  

i'm out, baby!

and i'm not going back!

free at last!

enjoy

ladies and gentlemen,

i bring you dancing davy, absolutely the best thing i've come across in ages.

enjoy,

andebobandy

sometimes a "lady" has to do what a "lady" has to do

i installed the cameras because i was getting fed up with coming in every week only to clean off spray paint.  in my search for perps, i ran across this gem.  please enjoy this footage from the security camera mounted outside oulu.

so yesterday, in an attempt to do something about my unchanging appearance, i decided to do a little shopping.  i hadn't entered an express store in a million years.  i feel they're sort of like the sluttish version of old navy.  it's like the same clothes cut a little shorter and sparkly.

just a side, slutish is the proper adjective form of slut, not slutty.  just some stuff i learned on the street.

anyway, i'm a sucker for a sale sign and had a bit of time to kill, so i went in and saw that the jeans had pretty nice washes.  i grabbed a "low rise" six and four.  six, becuase that's the norm and four, because i can dream.  so the sixes were like trying on a giant paper bag and the fours were also too big.  honestly, i couldnt believe it.  i went for the two and low and behold, they fit, not like i'd buy them, because the "low rise" wasn't exactly "low".  i very nearly bought them just so that i had a two in the house.

twenty minutes later, i walked into the esprit.  i collected dresses and pants, all in six, all very cute, excited that maybe among the selection there would be just one thing i could wear out to dinner at some time.  apparantly, i'm not even a six at esprit.  six was too small.  even if the eights i tried fit like a glove, i wouldn't have bought them.

i came to the following conclusions:

a. express makes clothes for overweight women in utter denial about their size who want to feel sexy (read slutish) and shiny

and b. esprit makes clothes for people (freakish people) who like to feel like they need to diet, have no calves, hips, or waists.

i realize that pinning all your wardrobe hopes on a one afternoon shopping run, isn't practical.  i know that i need to make more of an effort to go out shopping more often and pick up pieces here and there and let my style (read lack of style) evolve.

for now, i'll just settle for cutting my own hair. 

i'm officially a pro

one of our big williamsburg goofs is that every time you sit next to someone in a bar or meet them at a party and ask them what they do, they say they're a graphic designer.  hubby always says, you are what you are paid to do.  you're not an graphics designer who has never had a job, you're a barista and you're not an actor that's never been on stage, you're a waiter - get used to it.  

i was starting to feel like a goof myself this year.  since 2008 commenced, i haven't been paid to do anything but pour cocktails.  you're a bar owner, andebobandy, get used to it.  but now it's official.  i've been paid for work in 2008, and i'm officially a professional once more.  i wouldn't want to survive on my take, but i was able to buy a beautiful new laptop bag to carry my beautiful new (well, not so new now) laptop.

it's from a cute company called timbuk2.  they do custom bags.  i like it, because i'm frighteningly paranoid that my laptop is not protected enough from bumps and bruises, but this bag has a super padded corduroy lined pouch inside for my baby.

so this is the spot that dana (of blush and flax) and i worked on for the above the influence ad campaign.

  

we aren't responsible for the idea of it, only the t-shirt designs.  

and just a little side bit for my mom: hi, mom.  i swear that we're coming to visit.  you'll know when, just as soon as i do.  xxoo.  

really?

a beanie?  on the hottest day in weeks?

so what's the thought process?  you wake up and turn on new york one and see that it's gonna be 95 degrees out, and you think, "hmm...what should i accessorize with today?  maybe a pea coat?  a scarf?  maybe some giant biker boots?  no...i think i'm going beanie."

is it too much for you to sacrifice one iota of hipster style for an inch of comfort?  i mean, you're still in the black skinny jeans, right.  that isn't enough, is it?  

where does your body lose the most heat in the winter?  your head, right?  does that change after june 20th?  i don't think so.

95 degrees out, in a beanie.

idiot.

i need to go back in to get a picture...

but you know how after something bad happens, a place will post a sign, like after someone burns their hands on the water in the bathroom, restaurants will post signs warning that it's very hot. well...today at basketball in the woman's restroom there was a weird sign there that said, "make sure that you wash your hands well and cover up any wounds. if you need bandages, you can find them at the reception desk."

i was like w.t.f. happened here last week?

i don't usually talk about current affairs, but i just have to say

...why should anyone repay hillary clinton for going into debt for her run for the democratic nomination?  pay your money and take your chances.  i really think it looks cheap for obama to beg his supporters to help her.  if she had won, would she be worried that she spent it?

...and the usa tested it's anti iranian missle weapons.  how surpised could they have been that iran tested missles, if they've been working on a system to stop them?

...and rachael ray: fat, skinny, fat again?  is she the new oprah?

update on the cold that never ends

this morning i thought, "finally, i can breath through my nose."  

these findings are proving intermittent.

we're sick

so hubby and i are both sick at the same time. he said i have a terrible bedside manner. i think that the compassionate soup making spousal role is understood to be suspended upon both parties being sick simultaneously. i am going to have to consult my newly appointed attorney, doctor yohan esq., on that one.

this experience has shown me that we definitely have very different approaches to health care. he has decided to sleep (which he is doing now), hydrate and eat soup. i made a batch of cookies and have, over the course of the last two days, eaten approximately 30. other than cookies the only thing i've eaten seems to be day time and night time cold medicines and coffee. my bet is, we get better at the same time.

it has only been a year since i dropped out of basketball becasue of my knee injury, but playing over these last couple of weeks, i must look like it's been a decade.  

it certainly feels that way. 

 

trouble is...

staying positive isn't really working.

i am absolutely sure that i don't know what to do.

craigslist #011

i couldn't get a good screen shot of this because of the way that it was spaced out, so i had to cut and paste.  it's a for real for real posting and it's unedited so it does have some capitalization.

Need Arm Candy for my H,.S reunion ! (Lower Manhattan)

Reply to: gigs-728073532@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-06-21, 9:20PM EDT

Just as described.

Next week is a 10 year H.S reunion and need to show up with some arm candy.

Acting experience a plus. Will have to memorize a bit of backstory.

MUSSST be really attractive and either have a great personality or know how to blend in and just look good.But most of all act totally in love with me.

200$ for 3 hours + food and drinks.

Ages 21-28 , Latina or Brazilian preferred.

Must be willing to meet for coffee or something before hand to get stories straight. Also willing to purchase your outfit for the night (within reason).

Last post got flagged , this is strictly a couple of hour event. Not looking for hanky panky or anything extra.

Myself 6ft tall , in shape , regular joe. White/Asian mix.

Email me age , some pics or a myspace page , and maybe a little about yourself.

i feel like i've fallen so far behind, i don't know where to begin.

porto vallarta was amazing.  hubby and i really needed to get away.  the house was beautiful and there was an amazing sunset view.

photos can never do it justice, but it was like this or more brilliant ever day.  here are a few others for fun.

i stayed a couple extra days with my friend kathy, who is planning her wedding in p.v.  we got a lot of wedding work done.

i have a ridiculous tan, and ridiculous tan lines.  by the time we left, the locals were asking me questions in spanish.  i would insert the photo of me in my bikini with my wife beater lines from the luchador day above.

i tried to get my friend to ride a donkey through a bar, then i tried to get the donkey to the bar where we were.  neither happened.

this weekend we went to fishkill for my friend scott's wedding.  hubby and i celebrated our 2nd anniversary on the 10th, then i turned 31 on friday the 13th.  we decided to make a little get away weekend.  we stayed in an adorable b and b in a little town called highland.  if anyone has to go up there, i would without a doubt suggest staying here, the inn at twaalfskill.  i really do think that if we wanted to walk away from our lives, a b and b with a bar/restaurant, like fawlty towers.

what else...what else...

this is the summer of andebobandy - is my new mantra

i got an amazing new dress from my pal j.c.'s shop annelore for my birthday and went to see kung fu panda which i l.o.v.e.d. loved.

and i will will will be better to my blog.

until next time there's this ponoko.

it is becoming increasingly unlikely that i will

(a.) purchase a card or gift for you, mother, 

and/or that

(b.) the yet purchased card or gift would stand an iota of a chance of making it there before sunday.  it's not like they deliver mail on sunday anyway

...so i just want to say now (and you should note) early, "happy mother's day." 

if you want to tell somebody something, would you put that in quotes?  anyway, you will have to check the usage of those quotation marks...

also, a note of curiosity that came up in my mind posting this...you know how people say, "happy early birthday," or "happy early mother's day"?  it isn't right.  the word early is incorrectly modifying mother's day.  it isn't an early mother's day.

anyway...

happy mother's day early, mother.

words to live by...

from "better off dead", a movie i saw many, many times as a youngster....

go that way really fast.  if something gets in your way, turn.

posting something old makes it new again

here you go, johan.  from forever ago.

tidal

my alpheus returns,
bringing with him
a glass of water

our sheet wrapped
around his waist.

he stumbles over piles
of clothes, wades through
the new terrain of us

to me
spilled in bed
trying not to be swallowed
by the alarm clock's
sad song leak
into sleep.

he hands me the glass
as the neighbors dog barks.

desperate as arthusa
that dog checks every inch
of her fence for a place
to dig free

never stopping for fear
she could sink like ink
through the god's green earth
and into the dark dirt beneath

as i
and my alpheus
blend in our drink.

when you're right, hubby, you're right

i did post this on my blog. it's hilarious.

infotainment unit.

you know you want one.

i don't know if you've seen this, but it helps

craigslist #010

what a great present for someone!  i wonder if he has gift certificates?  this card good for one "mission".