i'm such a loser

so what does it say about me that today i found out that this race next saturday starts at 9 a.m. and i'm ready to tell everyone that i'm out? that's early for me. like really early. that's like stay up all night so that i can get there on time kind of early for me. i'm so bummed / annoyed at this news, and i'm upset with myself for feeling like this is a deal breaker...i'm annoyed that i don't have any desire to reach deep down inside an pull all my will to do this together and just suck it up and be an american and rub a little dirt on it. husband says that it's just knowing yourself well enough not to b.s. about it. he's out. i'm undecided, uncertain, and i'm going to just whine a while.